february fun & frolicks

[yamaha_george]

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is ??

Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter.


One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?'

'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'


Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[Yamster]

[yamaha_george]

*FIRST QUESTION**:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT
POSITION ARE YOU IN? **




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ANSWER **: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU
TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT**DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME **AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?**
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SECOND QUESTION**:
I**F YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)**



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ANSWER**: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....****
**WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??**

**
YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?****
**

THIRD QUESTION**:
V**ERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.**
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR**.
TRY IT.



TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10... WHAT IS THE TOTAL?


SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....**



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**DID YOU GET**5000**?**

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100**...**



**IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!**
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?****
**
**MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...****



FOURTH QUESTION**:****

**MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:***1.*NANA,****2. NENE,****3...
NINI,****4. NONO, AND ??? **
*2.*WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?**/~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~/**/

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**DID YOU ANSWER NUNU?**NO!**OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS****MARY! **READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!**
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OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF:**
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**A**MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES
HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF
SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?**




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IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...**
**DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!


**/

[mobil1GB]

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is ??

Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter.


One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?'

'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'


Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

So True!!

[yamaha_george]

Wedding dates



       Many people decide to hold their wedding on a day which has some special meaning to them.
      Selecting a date based on the combination of numbers is the most common method.  

      For example, 10th October last year was very popular as it can be written 10/10/10.
      A lot of other happy couples took their nuptials on 9th September 2009 (09/09/09).

      Those Chinese couples who took the plunge on 8th August 2008 (08/08/08) consider themselves to be very fortunate.

      I just read that hundreds of Australians have booked their wedding day for 11am on the 11th November this year as it will be 11/11/11.
      This date is also significant as it is Remembrance Day.


      I wonder if the prospective grooms realize that this will be their last chance to enjoy a minute of silence...!

[yamaha_george]

From one of my Redneck army buddies:-
*_Alabama_*

*A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for
the day.  That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering
under the weight of an eight-point buck.*

*"Where's Henry?" the others asked.***

*"Henry had a stroke o' some kind.  He's a couple of miles back up the
trail," the successful hunter replied*.

*"You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they
inquired.***

*"A tough call," nodded the hunter.  "But I figured no one's gonna  
steal Henry!"*

*

**_Georgia_*

*The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an
invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.*

*He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the  
University of Georgia and I need some help.  If I wuz to give yew
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"***

*The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my
earrings."*


*_Louisiana_*

*A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of
the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."*

*When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause
everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the
world."*

*_Mississippi_*

*The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to
his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the
parking lot!"***

*Bub**ba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"***

*The young man answered, "**'C**ouldn't tell, but I got the license
number."***

*_South Carolina_*

*A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and
one behind it.  Then he got back in the car to wait.***

*A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he
turned around and went back.  He asked the fellow what the problem was.***

*The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."***

*The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"***

*The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in
the front and flares in the back.  I never did understand it neither."*

**_Tennessee_**

*A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.  The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?"***

*The driver replied, "Bout whut?"*

**

*_Texas_*

*The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch.  The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage
in the ditch?  Don't you see that sign right over your head**?"*

*"Yep," he replied.  "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "*


*  ****

*Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'bout the South, *

*but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.*